I Inanely Took on the Drug War — And Lost
(posted by Mona)
[Note: For some reason I must have initially shut off comments without at all all meaning to -- they are now back on.]
I do not use illicit drugs, even tho to the core of my being I do not believe they should be criminalized. A large part of my reason for holding that view is that modern-day drug dealers are the new, violent Al Capones, with booze being replaced by pot, coke & etc. (I mean, when was the last time Absolut and Seagrams shot it out in the streets? They take their disputes to court.) So, anyway, I was arrested this last week for buying a joint and giving it to the police, and here is why I did that.
I’m very poor as the result of a profound, crippling anxiety disorder that began (but is not wholly attributable to) 11 years ago with the car-accident death of my oldest son, my husband leaving me some 5 weeks later, and shortly thereafter my younger brother burned to death under circumstances that required a closed casket. Because I cannot now use the law degree I worked 17 years to earn (undergrad included, while raising 3 boys), or hold any other job due to a total inability to multi-task and handle stress, I live on what I earn on my computer — which isn’t much. The apartment complex I live in does no criminal background or credit checks. It is a horrid, filthy place.
Some three months ago a nest of violent drug dealers moved in right next door to me (I’ve seen a gun at least once, and violent fights are a constant). They have repeatedly shaken me down for money, food, and use of my video equipment. One picked my lock when I was in the shower (they can hear when that is running) and stole the money from my purse, yelling into my bathroom she was just giving me some laundry detergent. (I’ve since gotten a deadbolt.)
These people scare me so much I foolishly decided to go over and buy a joint. They said they’d bring it to my place. They rolled it (I have no paraphernalia), asked me to try it, and then left. I immediatelyy put it out and called the cops. They were mad at me, but at the time declined to arrest me. And you see, in my anxiety-ridden mind — an issue that can impair judgment — I thought I had the smoking gun that would cause the police to arrest my neighbors. As I say, this was a few weeks ago but the officer declined to arrest me.
But, this past Wednesday morning at midnight they came with an arrest warrant per the prosecutor, accusing me of possession and vigilantism. I was taken to jail. But the very worst thing is I was strip- and body-cavity searched. I feel raped (yes, even tho the officer was female.) My son bonded me out a bit after 3 a.m.
The next night, the police banged on my door again — they were looking for someone else, but I was petrified and broke down. I have been a nervous wreck since and urgently want to leave this place, but cannot afford to.
Strip searches are not funny. I feel violated and traumatized. I can’t write anymore for a while, and can’t tend to politics — I’m crying. I’m a mess.
October 6th, 2008 at 8:36 pm
I’m speechless. Is there anything that can help you to break out of this mess? Anything that can attack this disorder at its core? I fear our health care system is going to be shamefully inadequate, if I had to guess. There is so much about this situation that would be directly addressed by the political change that I dream of (basic income guarantees, decriminalization, end of the police state, more community based health services). Wishing you the best and please hang in there.
October 6th, 2008 at 8:52 pm
That is the saddest story …
If you feel bad, you shouldn’t, you simply can’t let the police get you down. The best is if you can find some way of making yourself stronger and more detirmined for it all. Tangling with the police like that is practically a badge of honour (even if it happened because your plan went a bit wonky), you are the converse of the farcically over decorated royal.
When it comes to giving sympathetic advice the internet suddenly feels like such an inadequate channel of communication. Sorry if I missed the mark.
October 6th, 2008 at 8:53 pm
Breathe. Don’t show fear around your neighbors, try to pretend they don’t exist. (hard–sure)
This is a disgusting situation. A waste of time, money, resources on their part. As well as a blatant error to punish you and subject you to such a mess.
THis is NOT vigilante, you killed my daughter now I’m going to shoot you, kind of thing.
It is often as though the system doesn’t want to correct itself and attack the real crime–there would be no issues left then, eh?
I too was wrongfully arrested. It resulted in bruises, a ruined rotator cuff, a felony charge of assaulting a cop, and 16 hours in jail. THe cop merely had the wrong hotel room number and all else ensued. By the way, I never assaulted him, I put my hand up to keep him from hurting me.
It is however, difficult to sue a cop.
I fretted about my court date and thankfully, with good representation (although it shouldn’t have taken paying money to have justice served) my record was expunged. Of course, only after a year of probation and an anger management class!!!!
Stay strong. Hang in there.
October 6th, 2008 at 10:11 pm
Just to be clear: I have not been charged with vigilantism, “merely” pot possession (the whole vigilante narrative is in the police report). The police officer who initially declined to arrest me said the vigilante aspect is what he planned to report to the prosecutor, and leave it up to him. That prosecutor apparently decided I needed to be arrested at midnight or so.
Mostly it is is the strip search I cannot get over.You have no idea unless it has happened to you.
October 7th, 2008 at 12:42 am
I’m sorry, hon. I’m sorry they decided to arrest you at midnight: that means they wanted to frighten you and they hoped to catch you out doing something else.
We live in a soft police state.
The only advice I can offer is to hang tight, and admit nothing; drag things out. (Preferably until after the election. The returns have an effect, believe it or not.)
It really sounds like an episode I got to experience back in December 2004.
I was driving over to my GF’s apt. round 10ish. I saw some bicycle cops ahead of me on my street, so I slowed down to let them go ahead, but they didn’t exit into the street. So I waved as I went past. Bad idea, these days.
I drove back a bit later, and got home about midnight. Went upstairs, locked the door, noted the time (12:03) and went into the back to answer some emails. About 40 minutes later, there was banging out front. It sounded like they were banging on all the doors. Since there had been a fire in the building next door two days before, I answered the door.
The two bike cops. So they ask me to step outside, and they start in on questioning, demanding to know if I had any drugs. I don’t smoke dope; any experimentation had been in high school 20 years before, and the stuff put me to sleep. So I never touch it.
They keep insisting that I had just been outside with a joint and insisted I confess. I said: ‘I will not confess to something I didn’t do.’ They wanted to search my car. Fine. I have balls. I went inside, got my keys, came back out. We went downstairs. They tried everything. They told me they couldn’t prove it was me. They told me if I just admitted it, everything would be fine. Etc.
So I am out there on the pavement, in socks, jeans and a t-shirt for about an hour, while they work me over. The designated bad cop says to me: ‘Look at me! How long do you think I’ve been doing this.’ I looked him up and down and I could see he had been in the army and whatnot, so I guess 15. He looked disgruntled and said 11. Then he demanded I keep my hands out of my pockets.
Nothin’ in the car. Then they started talking about searchin my house, but finally after razzing me some more (’What’s this? You smoke? What else?’ ‘Just cigarrettes, thanks.’) they started talking about the bump on the back of my head, and shining the flashlight in my eyes and demanding to know why my eyes were dialated. (It was dark, eh?)
Then they shoved me inside. End of problem. A little later, I remembered that the kid was next door was a little doper, on probation, and I’m guessing had been messing with my car before the cops arrived.
In the middle of that scene was the only time I’ve been angry enough to punch a cop, and I damn near did.
max
['The self-control works.']
I’ve never been mad enough to punch
October 7th, 2008 at 1:17 am
Thank you all so much — it does help to know I’m not the only person who has ever been so absurdly treated by the law/police. (Tho I already knew that.) My arraignment is Thurs, which is a simple matter of pleading “not guilty.”
I’m lucky in that I once practiced law in this area, and a good lawyer I once worked for is handling it all pro bono and should be able to all but make it go away. Except the strip search. I can’t yet get over that.
For a joint. That I called the cops and handed them. I have no priors, but I’m thinking taking up shoplifting is safer.
October 7th, 2008 at 1:45 am
Mona, I’m very sorry to know you’ve been in such an awful situation.
I’ve lived in neighborhoods that rubbed my nerves raw, myself–harrassment and vandalism, etc.
As for the police thing, I’ve luckily escaped the kind of horror you went through. But I never see a cop in my rearview mirror without being conscious that I’m at someone else’s mercy, and barring the extremely lucky presence of someone with a camera, whatever they do to me the judge will likely believe their claims to have murdered me in “self-defense.” The Brits have the right name for them: the filth.
October 7th, 2008 at 3:20 am
Aiks! Mona, hang in there! Is there some way of putting up a camera in your home to surveille against any future intrusions by the druggies?
As for the cops, it’s hard to interpret their actions in a charitable light. It’s horrible and inexplicable and brutal. I keep thinking to myself, why? And all I can come up with is you’ve been too uppity and they want to make sure you learn your lesson. And I’m not a cop-hater in general at all.
October 7th, 2008 at 4:58 am
@Mona: you have been treated horribly, and I can only express my deepest sympathy for your situation. It is my view these days that what you experienced at prison can only be called state-sanctioned rape - and a homosexual one at that.
@Neverfox: You ask what can be done. The short answer is: join as many civil liberties organizations and as many drug policy reform movements as you can ( http://www.stopthedrugwar.org and http://www.drugpolicy.org to mention a few ).
@Angelica: You ask “why?”. Because anything drugs has been so demonized that it has completely dehumanized even people who just happens to be in close proximity to drugs (like Mona is the apartment next door or the girlfriend of a drug dealer). Everything and everybody has this “taint” - this rub-off-evil - on them. That is: in the view of the population and the police. So in a way the answer is that they do it because they do not consider those “druggies” - or even those around them who, in their view, could have made another, safer choice in life than live next to druggies - humans. Try searching the case of Cheye Calvo and Trinity Tomsic: it shows very clearly that the police simply shuts off reason and prudence when they smell drugs. Or look at all those victims: http://blogs.salon.com/0002762/stories/2003/08/17/drugWarVictims.html
One of the most horrible incidents in this drug war is described in the article “The Murcer of Ashley”: http://www.cannabisculture.com/articles/2998.html
It happens all the time. And police is NOT accountable. Try looking closer at the Tarika Wilson case for example.
October 7th, 2008 at 5:51 am
I don’t know if this will make you feel better, but…
It sounds to me like the prosecutor wants “control” over the situation. Remember that this is the touchstone of all law enforcement today - they are all taught to control the situation.
So when the prosecutor heard this story, his/her thought process was how to guarantee that you would be a compliant witness. I would be shocked if this isn’t the beginning of a long attempt to get you to be a star witness against your neighbors, all at your own risk, while the prosecutor attempts to get another notch on her belt for her resume. Be totally compliant with everything the prosecutor demands of you, and this little charge will “disappear”. The midnight raid (which, if they were really out to get you, would have been a “dynamic entry” at midnight) and subsequent humiliations you suffered were merely tools that they can use to make you more compliant as time goes on.
The fact that what they did is morally repugnant and further victimized you is utterly irrelevant in their world. They’re not here to “protect and serve” anymore - they’re here to fight the war against the bad guys. Collateral damage to “civilians” is worthy of lip service when challenged on it, but not something to actually take into account.
As I said, I don’t know if it makes you feel better, but expect to be propositioned to do some dangerous things in the near future. My suggestion is that you are better off dealing with the possession charge adversarially. That risk is nothing compared to going into your neighbors’ apartment with nothing but the local yokels backing you up from their safe listening post.
And I agree with Mike G - I don’t know how to convey my sympathies in an appropriate way over this medium, but you have them. You have been victimized by someone who is currently privileged to do so. I’ve been in similar situations (though not nearly so bad) where the system has victimized me with impunity. I was shaken for some time afterwards. I don’t know how I would handle what you went through.
As a last thought, I commend your ability to write about this event in a public forum. It is brave and shows quite a bit of your integrity. Whatever they do to you - they can’t take your integrity away from you. Remember that.
October 7th, 2008 at 7:10 am
I repeat what Quasibill said: your integrity is still intact. Cavity searches for non-violent offenders are designed to dehumanize their victims, but remember, Mona, that acts of rape and rape-like acts diminish the rapist, not the victim.
October 7th, 2008 at 9:05 am
I’m terribly sorry about what happened to you, Mona, and hope that someday justice is visited upon these people.
October 7th, 2008 at 11:27 am
Mona…….
You dear, dear, lady.
I’m SO sorry. I can’t even get past what happened to you and your condition to consider what happened with the “law”. It’s not pity either, it’s empathy.
My family and I went through over a decade of head games and related harassment ( anti-drug war related ) that has left me as dysfunctional as you seem to be. All I can do is be a loving dad, but it’s like I’m a house fixture rather than a father because I can do hardly anything in public. Can’t even really make anything except basic decisions.
All I do now is try to blog and use my experiences to try and help others.
My feeling is that Quasibill’s theory is right. They just want to use you to get your neighbors. Goodness knows we went through enough from our neighbors trying to get me/us at the last place we lived.
We had ( he was run off by the law because he believed in opiate maintenance and wouldn’t bend his prescribing to lawmens desires ) a cutting edge psychiatrist that prescribed Effexor and Suboxone after trying MANY other meds to help me. The Effexor is/was a long term NIGHTMARE. I don’t recommend it to anyone except for short term low dose treatment. The suboxone, which is an opiate with an antagonist added which stops tolerance and dependence ( it was initially added to stop injection abuse ). The suboxone was like a wonder drug, and when I had to stop after taking it ( because of what happened to the Doc ) for years there was virtually NO withdrawal.
I guess I really don’t know what else to say. I wish I could help you. LIFE IS FAR TOO SHORT. It’s unacceptably tragic to be limited by “issues”.
Take care. You have been and will be in my prayers.
October 7th, 2008 at 12:03 pm
Lesson one: Never talk to the police! Some years ago one of our libertarians in the Echo Park / Silver Lake area of Los Angeles complained repeatedly to the police about gang activity in his neighborhood. (Under asset forfeiture, your property can be seized even if you have nothing to do with gang activity occurring on your property.) Big mistake #2 was when the police finally came, he allowed them into his house. Never allow the police into your home!
The police rummaged around his home, found a shotgun which they said had a too-short barrel and arrested him. Worse, they then through him into a cell with some of the gang members! He was beaten up by the gang and had to spend a lot of money to beat the phony gun charge.
October 7th, 2008 at 1:46 pm
Mona,
You have my utmost of sympathies. I wish you a fast and good psychological-emotional recovery.
October 7th, 2008 at 5:31 pm
I’ve been assaulted a few times, by police. I’ve been beaten and tortured once, by police, at an anti-war protest. I don’t use that word idly. I have had internal organs rupture; if the pain from organs tearing apart is 10, that from the torture was 14 or 15.
I was recently charged and falsely convicted on an unrelated matter. It can be hard to stay calm around cops, when their presence triggers PTSD.
It’s something that more and more of us are facing.
October 7th, 2008 at 6:38 pm
I was recently charged and falsely convicted on an unrelated matter. It can be hard to stay calm around cops, when their presence triggers PTSD.
God do I get that. I’m having fear of driving again, but must get out to obtain food, see my doctor, therapist & such. I find myself constantly looking in the rear view mirror and at side roads for cops, and starting to hyperventilate. I’m driving under the speed limit because I can’t help it, but that can get you pulled over as well (many cops assume that is an indication of drunkenness)
But I keep reliving that strip search. There is no description for it but state-sanctioned rape. Even if I had bought a joint for my own actual use — which I did not — how is such a search/violation justified?
My naive, social worker daughter-in-law said to tell the court about the strip search, as if that would reflect badly on the police. I didn’t even know where to begin to explain to her that the judge would not care, that this has become standard, acceptable procedure, especially where drugs are concerned.
October 8th, 2008 at 12:13 am
This is horrific. I’m so sorry that this happened to you.
I have been dealing with an anxiety disorder for more than 5 years now and I have been able to make some progress against the terror that wells up inside me.
The only thing that has truly helped is cannabis. An Indica strain (as opposed to Sativa) has allowed me to relax and reflect on my situation in ways that no other drug or technique has.
The Israeli army is using cannabis to treat PTSD in its soldiers. The US army is currently looking at using MDMA (ecstacy) to treat PTSD.
Perhaps after all of this horror has faded for you a bit you might find a way to try one of these substances in a safe and controlled environment.
Truly I would not want to live without having that herb available.
Again, I’m so sorry about what happened to you. Take care.
October 8th, 2008 at 7:11 am
Off the pigs.
When I was 17, I was a bodyguard for a drug/weapons dealer associated with a famous biker gang. I ended up going to jail for busting up an undercover narc with a metal pipe. LOL! I consider that to be one of the great accomplishments of my life.
It was interesting when I became a political radical some years later and I was always the one who avoided arrest for protesting, civil disobedience, vandalism, graffittiing, rock-throwing,etc. I knew how to get away with it.
I’ve actually had very little in the way of run-ins with cops as an adult. Mostly just charges being brought for beating up drunks and crackheads while bouncing in bars (always dismissed) and being stopped a few times as a “suspicious person”, but getting it worked out.
October 8th, 2008 at 7:41 am
Mona, what can we do to help you get out of there?
October 8th, 2008 at 9:57 am
Keith Preston. This is off topic.
I tried to read http://www.attackthesystem.com/anarchism2.html
on your site and I received an Error 404. Can you please look into that so that I can read the article? Thanks.
October 8th, 2008 at 10:31 am
That’s an address from the old site. This is the article you wanted:
http://attackthesystem.com/anarchism-or-anarcho-social-democracy/
October 8th, 2008 at 2:44 pm
Wow, that’s messed up.
October 8th, 2008 at 5:31 pm
Robert writes: The only thing that has truly helped is cannabis. An Indica strain (as opposed to Sativa) has allowed me to relax and reflect on my situation in ways that no other drug or technique has.
And I believe with my whole heart you should be able to do that legally. But I don’t use cannabis, of any variety, because I learned decades ago in my “dissolute” youth that it usually makes me paranoid. That contraindicates for my anxiety disorder.
I have to tell you all I’m freaking at the idea that this is all about getting me to testify against my neighbors. These are not nice people, and after they saw the uniformed officer come to my door a rock hit my living room window. One of them called me “Mizz Po-leeece” the next day when I was leaving the building.
October 9th, 2008 at 11:50 am
Do you own a gun? What are the gun laws in your area?
October 9th, 2008 at 12:29 pm
Every time I hear stories like these I reminded of the late Sam Francis’ label of “anarcho-tyranny” to describe modern American government:
http://www.vdare.com/francis/patriot_act.htm
October 9th, 2008 at 3:56 pm
In modern America, paranoia is actually one of the healthiest emotions you can have. Especially where the police are concerned. They are NOT your friends (and I say this as a law-abiding, respectable-looking woman with no police record).
October 10th, 2008 at 12:34 pm
Mona,
So sorry to hear about all this. Best wishes for getting away from this situation, which sadly seems like the only way to put it all behind you. Start putting it behind you, that is. I hope it helps to know that you have e-mail friends and acquanitances who care about how you’re doing, even if we’re too far away to be any real help.
mike
October 10th, 2008 at 2:45 pm
Hey Mona.
My apologies for suggesting that getting you to help against your neighbors might be why what was done was done.
I’m reminded of a cliche about mice and men. There is absolutely no telling why they did what they did. Only they know.
After reflecting on the incident, it seems like an illogical way to treat someone you want to help you though, but again, only they know the real reason(s).
You take care.
Jim
October 11th, 2008 at 3:48 pm
Just saw this article about a Southampton woman.
http://www.newsday.com/news/local/crime/ny-listri095875464oct09,0,7315960.story
For what it’s worth.
October 11th, 2008 at 5:00 pm
This is so sad, Mona. Did you see someone about it (a professional)? When you go through an incident of high critical stress, see somebody and talk it out, so you don’t end up carrying the baggage.
All that aside, if there was no reason for the search, then if it felt retributive or for control or anything, it isn’t supposed to be legal, it’s abuse. You should, as someone mentioned already, bring it up in court. It’s so far out of line with why they arrested you, it’s hard to see it as serving any valid purpose. Because if the purpose was humiliation, and that was the effect, then your human rights have been violated.
I hope you are able to rise above it, it’s a horrible thing with no reason. A society that does this to anyone needs to change. Look forward to hearing your voice again on UT.
October 11th, 2008 at 7:08 pm
Ondolette, thank you for your comment. On lawyer’s advice I did not bring up the strip search (in court) and I already knew it would be futile. This is is a DRUG charge, and so anything goes. Strip searches are routine in that context.
But yes, I’ve been seeing my therapist 2x weekly, because (among other issues) I feel raped.
October 11th, 2008 at 7:10 pm
Mike Fenger: Doorknob bless you.
October 11th, 2008 at 9:44 pm
Mona, once this arrest business is done, get yourself out of this situation. There are places where you can live cheaply without so much drama. Look at northern Idaho, or northern NH or other rural areas. It won’t solve all of your problems, and may not be your long term choice, but it will allow you the time and space to do some healing.
October 12th, 2008 at 1:23 am
morey writes:,here are places where you can live cheaply without so much drama. Look at northern Idaho, or northern NH or other rural areas. It won’t solve all of your problems, and may not be your long term choice
But my son, daughter-in-law and grandsons are here. They are my my primary joy in life.
October 13th, 2008 at 11:26 am
Mona,
I haven’t been by in a while, but thank God LWM gave me a heads up. This breaks my heart.
I second what thoreau said above. No offense against your dignity intended, but if there’s anything I can do, including sending some $$$, please let me know. I think you have my e-mail address.
Whatever you do, please, please call in in whatever support is available to you. These folks next door aren’t going away, and neither are the cops. There’s no way you should risk going it alone here — that’s what friends are for, after all.